A Tribute
May 28, 2017

Wendy

 

Wendy never really understood this world. Somehow it escaped her. She was always trying to accept what she couldn’t decipher.

From her early age on, she was different. It wasn’t just her choice of clothes or her haircut, it was how she expressed what she came into contact with. Probably the one gift she was given to share with the world, she missed out on, but only because she couldn’t understand why it was given to her. It was such a mesmerizing voice when in song.

At the age of six she became very ill one day. During those days, doctors would make house visits. Many unanswered calls and a no-show from the doctor left her with a final scream and then, pale white and limp on the sofa. Mom and us kids carried her unresponsive body to the car and mom drove her to emergency. Many hours later, mom returned, worn out and distraught. Wendy’s appendix had burst and because of complications and blood transfusions, she would be hospital bound for over a month. She was never really the same after that episode. It was surmised much later in her life that one of those transfusions was tainted and gave her an ailment which she fought for the rest of her life.

She did have happy times and relationships and she was loved. These all faded and like when I visit my mother-in-law at the nursing home and look into the eyes of the other patients, Wendy had the same look and the same hidden message in the letters she sent me, in her last days. The look and feeling  that says “Someone hold me”, “Someone help me”, “Someone love me”.

The circumstances surrounding her death are still under investigation. There is a video tape of her outside her apartment at 11:00pm taking all of her clothes off  and reports of a naked woman running around the complex. Somewhere between then and early morning when a jogger found her body in the nearby stream, no one knows what happened. She had been on new medications and maybe there was an adverse reaction. Yesterday, the coroner and detectives were with my other sister who lives next door to Wendy in the same building. Until the autopsy and toxicology reports are back we won’t know what truly happened. They said this could take up to two weeks. Her apartment has been sealed until they establish the cause of death.

Deep down, I feel this was Wendy’s freedom call. As sad and as hurt as I feel, I am also happy for her freedom from pain.

On the patio this morning as I listened to the birds, all of a sudden there came a complete silence. This moment is for you Wendy. If I never said it enough while you were here, “I love you”.

Beginning of………
February 3, 2017

usa-by-trump

Homeless……..part 3
January 16, 2017

arched-window-overlooking-stairway

Since I couldn’t afford rent and utilities, I gathered up the few possessions I had and moved them into the basement office of Beans and Barley. I was homeless. I didn’t want to admit failure to my family or friends, so I said nothing about my move.

Thankfully, the restaurant had some resources I could use. The staff room was equipped with a washer and dryer (we did our own linens) and a shower. As for storing my clothes and belongings, I came up with an inventive plan to keep them out of sight. Underneath the front stairway which led to the public restrooms, there was an access panel for the underbelly of the stairs.

The front part of the restaurant was heated by hot water radiators which were part of the main building boiler system. During construction it was determined that there wasn’t enough flow to the radiators to provide heat in our area, so a booster pump was installed to push the hot water through our system. The pump and its manual switch were located underneath the front stairway. The pump had to be turned on every winter. This area would be my new closet. I placed clothes hooks on each of the stairs and hung my clothes there. My sleeping bag and pillow fit nicely also. Each night, after the staff had left, ( I would leave with them and walk around the block and then come back), I unscrewed the panel, took my sleeping bag and pillow, set it on the floor of the office and went to sleep. In the morning, I would put everything back and re-screw the panel back in place. The staff always wondered how I beat them to work every day.

I lived like this for a couple of years. The good part was that I learned lots. Eighteen hour days became the norm and I put my heart and soul into the place. There were still bad periods before things began to turn around. Creditors called at all hours and it was difficult to do cooking when the phone never stopped ringing. One day it was so bad, I called the phone company and had the phone removed, (phones weren’t un-pluggable at this time) and a pay phone put in, which had an unlisted number. Finally, some peace! I could still call out when necessary, but I stopped being harassed.

Strangely enough, this action helped the business. It alluded to customers that we didn’t need a phone for business. It made us more popular. This, plus the fact that the food and service was immensely improved put the restaurant on the road to recovery.

By the way, I paid off the loan before it’s due date and never missed a payment.

 

A Rock
December 3, 2016

aaaaaaaaarock-camera-2

 

A rock is obtuse. It lacks the ability to discern insight, therefore it is solid in its makeup. It blends in with its surroundings, but in reality it is just ‘there’. It gives nothing. But, it takes something.

It takes space and the ability to absorb energy. Energy it absorbs is never given back in equal amounts of what is taken. On the contrary, it takes and takes and takes. Weather it is sunlight, air, or any energy, it sucks it from it’s source.

The purpose behind a rock is to reassure humanity that there is stability. An anchor for its inequality. A rock is a rock is a rock.

If you meditate on ‘rock’ you will find a deep, deep sense of solidness and anchoring. It will scare you with its depth.

How then does a human turn into a ‘rock’?

Probably, lack of love.

Give and take.

On both sides.

Sad.

 

Elect shun
November 11, 2016

clarity

 

Pre-election jitters induced angst and anxiety. Post election results produced anger with one half of America’s population and joy with the other half. It’s hard to reconcile all of these emotions with so many people involved.

The ones in anger feel robbed. They feel loss and they are hurt deeply. Loss is never a good feeling and feeling pain along with the loss tends to breed more anger, hate and prejudice. Possibly the three emotions they were initially trying to remove from the election rhetoric.

In moments like this, clarity is needed. And, unless you’ve experienced and felt an elevated form of clarity throughout your life it may not seem like the solution. Clarity is learned from personal experiences. It’s a feeling which lets you know: ‘you can’t be robbed’. Nothing can be taken from you that you’ve learned, that you instinctively know within or what you won’t relinquish.

The pain must be worked through with love and understanding.

Time will take care of the rest.

Suffering
November 5, 2016

1-suffering

 

What is suffering? Aleppo? Intensions? Imaginary belief? Your life?

He tells me he is suffering, and no one knows how he feels.

I think, is this true? We all suffer in our own ways and means.

In a drawn out conversation, I tell him to give what he feels to his partner. Will this work? Probably not in this case. It’s an elliptical cure that can’t be resolved on a intellectual level. This is all emotion. Some one of the two, has to, break the ice and reveal the trouble.

The answer is not what either wants to hear, but it will lead them to a conclusion. Conclusions can be painful. You have to do what is in your heart.

Heart felt conclusions leave you empty.

Unfortunately, that is how life works and you move on. Good or bad.

In the end there is peace.

Temptation from One, a musical singing Palm Springs Hot
October 19, 2016

palmspringshot15

Scroll to June 2016 for the full musical

TEMPTATION

(Singing the first song of the musical – Palm Springs Hot – with a sexy Brazilian style to 1940’s music tempo)

 

 

ON THE EDGE OF THE DESERT, LIKE A JEWEL IN THE SAND

LIES AN OASIS IN PARADISE, CLOSE AT HAND

IT’S MOVIE STARS, PRESIDENTS, GLAMOUR AND MORE

FREE SPIRITS, MARILYN, ROYALTY FOR SURE

LEMON BLOSSOMS, GOLF, PALM TREES AND STORES

SPEND YOUR TIME AND MONEY, ITS SUMMER FOR SURE

LAY IN THE SUN AND MINERAL WATERS WITH LORE

SEXY MEN AND WOMEN LINED UP TO THE CORE

UNLEASH YOUR FREEDOM ON WARM SUMMER NIGHTS

PALM SPRINGS, PALM SPRINGS, WE’VE OPENED OUR DOORS

 

DANCERS AND SINGERS, ACACIUS AND EGNATIUS

(Chorus)

SO WHERE’S YOUR LADIES?

AND YOUR DADDIES TOO?

(ACACIUS and EGNATIUS begin to clap their hands)

IT’S HOT! HOT! HOT!

PALM SPRINGS IS YOU!

HERE’S THE GLAMOUR

WITH ALL THE CLAMOR

SHOUT, SHOUT, SHOUT FOR MORE

IT’S PALM SPRINGS HOT!

PALM SPRINGS HOT!

PALM SPRINGS HOT FOR SURE!

 

DANCERS AND SINGERS

(Musical and Dance Interlude)

 

 

TEMPTATION

(TEMPTATION and the DANCERS begin to remove some of their costume parts as THEY sing and dance, to reveal a more modern day version. The music changes to a more upbeat and modern tempo)

 

 

LOTS OF NAUGHTY, LOTS OF NICE

YOU CAN FIND YOUR HEART AND EVEN DICE

NIGHTCLUBS, CASINOS, FINE DINING TOO

PEOPLE WATCHING, POOLS AND A DESERT ZOO

WE’VE HOSTED LIBERACE, BARBARA FOR SURE

CARMEN MIRANDA, CHER AND DOROTHY LAMOUR

JOIN IN AND CONQUER, WE’RE THE LURE

BE VIXEN, DEVIL OR DEMURE

EVERYONE’S WELCOME, CHEEKY OR PURE

RE-LIVE YOUR PAST AND MAKE IT LAST

PALM SPRINGS, PALM SPRINGS, COME TAKE A TOUR

 

DANCERS AND SINGERS, ACACIUS AND EGNATIUS

 

(ACACIUS steps forward to engage the audience in the chorus. Words for the chorus are shown on the video screen)

 

(Chorus)

SO WHERE’S YOUR LADIES?

AND YOUR DADDIES TOO?

(ACACIUS and EGNATIUS begin to clap their hands)

IT’S HOT! HOT! HOT!

PALM SPRINGS IS YOU!

HERE’S THE GLAMOUR

WITH ALL THE CLAMOR

SHOUT, SHOUT, SHOUT FOR MORE

IT’S PALM SPRINGS HOT!

PALM SPRINGS HOT!

PALM SPRINGS HOT FOR SURE!

 

 

DANCERS AND SINGERS

(Musical and Dance Interlude)

 

TEMPTATION

(SHE removes the last layer of her costume to reveal a sexy, tempting and enticing woman. Tempo of the music changes again, this time with a seductive edge, to reveal her character in the musical; a modern day Marilyn Monroe)

 

 

COME SEE AND FEEL

IT WILL OPEN YOUR MIND

ILLUSION AND REALITY

BOTH YOU’LL FIND

YOUR GATEWAY TO LIFE

IS VIRTUAL AND REAL

LOOK INSIDE

MAKE YOUR WORLD IDEAL

CHOOSE A VOICE

MAKE YOUR CHOICE

A NEW WORLD AWAITS

COME OPEN THESE GATES

 

DANCERS AND SINGERS, ACACIUS AND EGNATIUS

(Words for the chorus are shown on the video screen)

 

(Chorus)

SO WHERE’S YOUR LADIES?

AND YOUR DADDIES TOO?

(ACACIUS and EGNATIUS begin to clap their hands)

IT’S HOT! HOT! HOT!

PALM SPRINGS IS YOU!

HERE’S THE GLAMOUR

WITH ALL THE CLAMOR

SHOUT, SHOUT, SHOUT FOR MORE

IT’S PALM SPRINGS HOT!

PALM SPRINGS HOT!

PALM SPRINGS HOT FOR SURE!

(ACACIUS and EGNATIUS begin to clap their hands)

HOT! HOT! HOT! FOR SURE!

HOT! HOT! HOT! FOR SURE!

HOT! HOT! HOT! FOR SURE!

Change and The Unknown
October 5, 2016

change-and-the-unknown16

Scroll to June 2016 for full musical

ACACIUS

(To ALL)

NICE JOB LADIES, NICE JOB! I SEE YOU BOTH HAVE ANOTHER SONG YOU’RE GOING TO SING. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS ONE IS CALLED: INVISIBLE HIGH HEELS. I GUESS THAT EXPLAINS WHY YOU’RE TAKING YOUR HIGH HEELS OFF.

 

 

(CHANGE and THE UNKNOWN remove their high heels and hold them in their hands. THEY commit to a cheeky sultry song and dance routine using the piano and bar stools. THE TRIUMVIRATE become the backup dancers and do stylized light tap during the chorus. Music Video 7 begins and depicts scenes from the song)

 

 

CHANGE AND THE UNKNOWN

INVISIBLE HIGH HEELS

(Hiding their high heels behind their backs and standing on tip toe as if their shoes were on)

HAVE NO TRAINING WHEELS

(Showing their high heels with no training wheels)

THEY’RE SO WONDERFUL TO WEAR

(Putting their shoes back on)

YOU’LL FEEL LIKE

YOU’RE WALKING ON AIR

(Air shoots up from the floor)

BUT BEWARE

THE UNKNOWN IS A DARE

WHERE LIFE IS LAID BARE

WITH A KEY FOR TOMORROW

WE’RE UNABLE TO BORROW

OOOH, OOOH, OOOH

(With a sexy curtsy)

WE’RE UNABLE TO BORROW

 

CHANGE

WE’RE YOUNG AND FULL OF ENERGY

IN A HOSTILE WORLD OF SYNERGY

CONSTANT CHANGE CREATES

UNAWARENESS AND EXCHANGE

LEARNING BECOMES AN EXPERIENCE

THAT ALLOWS YOUTHS DISAPPEARANCE

AND LIFE AROUND YOU

MORPHS INTO PERSEVERANCE

 

CHANGE AND THE UNKNOWN

INVISIBLE HIGH HEELS

(Hiding their high heels behind their backs and standing on tip toe as if their shoes were on)

HAVE NO TRAINING WHEELS

(Showing their high heels with no training wheels)

THEY’RE SO WONDERFUL TO WEAR

(Putting their shoes back on)

YOU’LL FEEL LIKE

YOU’RE WALKING ON AIR

(Air shoots up from the floor)

BUT BEWARE

THE UNKNOWN IS A DARE

WHERE LIFE IS LAID BARE

WITH A KEY FOR TOMORROW

WE’RE UNABLE TO BORROW

OOOH, OOOH, OOOH

(With a sexy curtsy)

WE’RE UNABLE TO BORROW

 

THE UNKNOWN

OUR INVISIBLE HIGH HEELS

(Hiding their high heels behind their backs and standing on tip toe as if their shoes were on)

ARE LOFTY IDEALS

(Holding their shoes high into the air)

FALLING IN LOVE HIDES AND CONCEALS

THE UNKNOWN AND ALL ITS ORDEALS

IN A WORLD OF UNOPENED OYSTERS

WE DEVOUR NEWNESS IN CLOISTERS

ACCOMPLISHMENTS BECOME PEARLS

AND DISCOVERY IS REPLACED BY BURLS

OOOH, OOOH, OOOH

(With a sexy curtsy)

OOOH, OOOH, OOOH

(With a sexy curtsy)

 

CHANGE AND THE UNKNOWN

INVISIBLE HIGH HEELS

(Hiding their high heels behind their backs and standing on tip toe as if their shoes were on)

HAVE NO TRAINING WHEELS

(Showing their high heels with no training wheels)

THEY’RE SO WONDERFUL TO WEAR

(Putting their shoes back on)

YOU’LL FEEL LIKE

YOU’RE WALKING ON AIR

(Air shoots up from the floor)

BUT BEWARE

THE UNKNOWN IS A DARE

WHERE LIFE IS LAID BARE

WITH A KEY FOR TOMORROW

WE’RE UNABLE TO BORROW

OOOH, OOOH, OOOH

(With a sexy curtsy)

WE’RE UNABLE TO BORROW

 

 

CERTAINTY OF AGE

INVISIBLE FROM OUR CAGE

MAKES LIFE A CHARADE

OTHERS SEE OLD

EVEN THOUGH

WE HAVE INNER GOLD

MOMENTS DISAPPEAR

AND BECOME UNCLEAR

THEIR TIME HAS ARRIVED

AND LEFT US DEPRIVED

JUST LIKE THE FINAL SEQUEL

THAT LEAVES US ALL EQUAL

 

INVISIBLE HIGH HEELS

(Hiding their high heels behind their backs and standing on tip toe as if their shoes were on)

HAVE NO TRAINING WHEELS

(Showing their high heels with no training wheels)

THEY’RE SO WONDERFUL TO WEAR

(Putting their shoes back on)

YOU’LL FEEL LIKE

YOU’RE WALKING ON AIR

(Air shoots up from the floor)

BUT BEWARE

THE UNKNOWN IS A DARE

WHERE LIFE IS LAID BARE

WITH A KEY FOR TOMORROW

WE’RE UNABLE TO BORROW

OOOH, OOOH, OOOH

(With a sexy curtsy)

WE’RE UNABLE TO BORROW

OOOH, OOOH, OOOH

(With a sexy curtsy)

OOOH, OOOH, OOOH

(With a sexy curtsy)

 

Priorities
October 16, 2010

 

I’m sitting at Burger King sipping on a milk, waiting for the oil change and tire rotation on the car. Just watching the cornucopia of people come in and out  and their momentary life priorities. The moments I’m watching presently constitute numerous examples. The girl with long flowing black hair has a hair brush in her back pocket that is larger than the cheeks of her butt. Her boyfriend mimics the Lakers dress code. His shorts are resting under his butt, and there is full exposure of his underwear. The young man wearing dark sunglasses with blocked out sides and the rocker T-shirt walks across the room with a cool, hip saunter. There’s a small lady that’s been back and forth from a car in the parking lot four times. She’s trying to get an order changed, while trying to please the person waiting impatiently. He finally enters the store, and dumps the contents of the bag on the counter, only to find out that it was correct after all. He leaves unsure, the small lady in tow, still trying to please. The large lady only ordered a small quantity on her first trip to the counter. She did the same ordering on her second and third trips to the counter.

I have many friends who have health issues and their daily occupation rests with decisions on how to stay alive. Others I know are consumed by work, family, money, politics, religion, security and survival. Endless amounts of energy by everyone on the planet for these purposes.

Priorities are based on choices in our lives. And on the amount of love we’re missing in some part of our being. By choosing a priority in the moment it allows us to fill a need. A temporary accomplishment that will make us feel good, in the daily struggle. 

Time governs what are our most important priorities and love governs the rest.

Growing Old
September 24, 2010

I guess photographs do the most damage. You see a recent picture, and you ask yourself, “Is that me”? “Do I look like that”? “Is that how other people see me”? “I look my age, but I don’t feel that old inside”. “I’m still thirty of forty something on the inside, how come I look sixty or seventy on the outside”?

Our society has created a constant craving for youth. Not to be mistaken as only a current phenomena, it was around centuries ago too. Pasco de Gama was searching for the Fountain of Youth back in the 1600’s. There are always plenty of emails going around that relate to the aging process. They tell you what to look forward to as your years increase. I use to never read them until I noticed the things they talk about were actually happening to me. Health is always an issue. You take it for granted earlier on, until one day you wake up and you say “What was that I felt”? “It wasn’t there yesterday”. And then it begins. The beginning of aches and ailments. Sometimes you get a reprieve for days, weeks or even months, but then they start-up again. Because we live day-to-day, these factors of aging become bearable and acceptable. You deal with them on a one by one basis.

There are positive aspects to aging. Sales people in stores call you “Sir” or “Mame” and if there’s a disaster you’ve heard them say in movies “women, children and old people first”. But the best part about aging is that it happens to everyone. And, sooner or later we really do become equal.

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