Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Oh Lordy, Let There Be No Tapes
June 12, 2017

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I wake up to birds outside screaming because I’m late. Usually I’m outside on the patio by now taking in the morning-glory of life. So I move my unresponsive legs off the bed hoping to find the floor and Eberhard says, “Careful, careful”. I make my way to the bathroom to relieve myself. All goes well except for the thoughts that start running through my head as memories from last night start to float past me. I get to the sink to wash my hands and lo and behold there’s a huge zit on my upper lip between my nose and mouth. What? Who gets this at 68? Last week it was one on my nose. God hates me.

I make coffee (I only have one cup a day, but I love it in the morning) and I make my way out to the patio to take in life for the day. I’m naked. Not a pretty site, but I’m protected (and so is the world) by an 8 foot wall around me. The birds start laughing at me in great furor. I am not my usual self, ready to take a moment to meditate. Instead I have these flashbacks….”oh my God, did I do that?” Jeff (karaoke man) why didn’t you stop me?” And Bobby,  you were suppose to keep me in check….. you even said to others that “I was never the same after my mild stroke.”

The evening was enlightening. We started out by meeting friends and their family relatives visiting from Georgia. It’s our ‘solving the world’s problems’ (Trump, etc.) get together that we have occasionally on a Sunday. Of course we discuss the delicate matters over a few glasses of wine. It was a very interesting perspective, not one we were accustomed to, as we tried to figure out why people are attracted to Trump, and why they can believe his rhetoric. We surmised, part of it was education, another part was environment and what they see around them, but mostly it was what people don’t see as they view their lives from  a finite perspective. In conclusion we decided “not to worry”…..this too will pass.

Dancing in front of the karaoke singers was just part of it. There was the bus ride from our beginning location to the karaoke bar. We got the whole bus to ‘rock’. Everyone got off at our stop and the bus driver was relieved, just hoping for a few more silent moments until his shift finished. Still, I remember Jeff encouraging myself and Bobby to sing. Not a nice picture or sound for that matter. Everyone run……run for your lives.

In conclusion, at some point in time, we all need a little release on whatever level makes us comfortable.  Just look at the TV in this moment. Trump, is surrounded by his cabinet in their absorbent moment of self-aggrandizement.  This is their moment of release.

True or False?

Homeless……..part 3
January 16, 2017

arched-window-overlooking-stairway

Since I couldn’t afford rent and utilities, I gathered up the few possessions I had and moved them into the basement office of Beans and Barley. I was homeless. I didn’t want to admit failure to my family or friends, so I said nothing about my move.

Thankfully, the restaurant had some resources I could use. The staff room was equipped with a washer and dryer (we did our own linens) and a shower. As for storing my clothes and belongings, I came up with an inventive plan to keep them out of sight. Underneath the front stairway which led to the public restrooms, there was an access panel for the underbelly of the stairs.

The front part of the restaurant was heated by hot water radiators which were part of the main building boiler system. During construction it was determined that there wasn’t enough flow to the radiators to provide heat in our area, so a booster pump was installed to push the hot water through our system. The pump and its manual switch were located underneath the front stairway. The pump had to be turned on every winter. This area would be my new closet. I placed clothes hooks on each of the stairs and hung my clothes there. My sleeping bag and pillow fit nicely also. Each night, after the staff had left, ( I would leave with them and walk around the block and then come back), I unscrewed the panel, took my sleeping bag and pillow, set it on the floor of the office and went to sleep. In the morning, I would put everything back and re-screw the panel back in place. The staff always wondered how I beat them to work every day.

I lived like this for a couple of years. The good part was that I learned lots. Eighteen hour days became the norm and I put my heart and soul into the place. There were still bad periods before things began to turn around. Creditors called at all hours and it was difficult to do cooking when the phone never stopped ringing. One day it was so bad, I called the phone company and had the phone removed, (phones weren’t un-pluggable at this time) and a pay phone put in, which had an unlisted number. Finally, some peace! I could still call out when necessary, but I stopped being harassed.

Strangely enough, this action helped the business. It alluded to customers that we didn’t need a phone for business. It made us more popular. This, plus the fact that the food and service was immensely improved put the restaurant on the road to recovery.

By the way, I paid off the loan before it’s due date and never missed a payment.

 

Homeless….part 2
January 14, 2017

buena-vista-building

 

So, I got the loan and I was happy for the moment. Moments pass. Reality set in. By the time I had paid for the contractors to make the place into a restaurant, there was the other incidentals: equipment, food to start up, money for wages, taxes and overhead.

By the end of construction, I had managed to pay for everything except the food which I needed to open. I ordered the food and wrote the checks with absolutely no money in the bank. The bank manager calls me and asks me to come down to discuss the situation. I appear and he tells me he is going to bounce the checks which I had written for the food and supplies. So I said (with my back against the wall) “Go ahead, but all the money that’s invested will be lost”. I had no choice. Pay them or I won’t open, and there will be nothing to recover.” He paid the checks. I was left with an overdraft.

First business was brisk and it covered the checks that I had written. It was new and everyone had heard about the place through word of mouth. Everyone came to try it out.

Well, aren’t they sorry now. Inconsistency, badly cooked food from people who should have known better and canned beans. Business dropped off faster than the recession killed jobs.

After I fired all the cooks and took over, there was not much choice. The few people that visited the premises were new and hadn’t heard of the happenings. I was down to one server and myself. And she turned out to be an alcoholic that stole booze from the storage cabinets in the basement. Not pleasant as she tried to keep on her feet, serving customers. Duh!

Frustrated, I terminated her, hired a new person who cared and we had two to go forward with enthusiasm. At this time I was living above the restaurant in a single apartment for $110./month. No furniture, just a sleeping bag, a lamp, a few pans to cook food with, and a pillow. My meals were consistent. Pan fried potatoes and two fried eggs. It’s still one of my favorite meals when I’m feeling out of sorts. The income from the restaurant was not enough to sustain this. So I gave it up and came to the conclusion, I only had one resort.

Homeless…part 1
January 13, 2017

 

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When I opened Beans and Barley in 1972, I guess I expected instant success. I thought there would be some pitfalls, but I had no idea of how many or for what length of time they would exist.

I started with $3000. cash of my own money and eventually, through a loan I acquired, leveraged it into $50,000. I had some other assets, like my car, that I sold later to bring my total down payment to $5000.

The loan was not easy to get. I had created a formal proposal in a binder during the previous year, and took it to every bank in Edmonton. And, every bank rejected it. I ended up going to a lender of last resorts. A government agency. You had to be rejected by at least three banks before you could apply for a loan with them. The silver lining here was, I was over qualified. I was assigned two loan officers. At first they reviewed the four inch thick proposal and then they called me in for my first interview. When I think back now, I can realize why they were worried. I had no accounting skills…couldn’t do a profit and loss if my life depended on it, never cooked professionally, and I’d never supervised staff before….but I did have an insatiable desire to accomplish this. At twenty-one, I had more guts than brains.

I had already leased the premises I wanted, hired the Dutch carpenters to start the rebuilding of the barn inside and drew up my own blueprints. I had told the loan officers that I had already started the project. I could see them look aghast at the thought of what I’d done. They wanted to see the place, so we arranged to view what I had done to date. They showed up two days later on a Friday and I showed them around. The attached photo is all I have that resembles that first viewing, and it was somewhat more bleak than that. There was a basement, but only a ladder down. No stairway. They volunteered to climb down the ladder where the framing had already been constructed. they could at least get an idea of the floor plan. They didn’t say much. They scheduled a follow-up interview two weeks from that date, when they left.

I went in for the scheduled interview with intrepidation.  They drilled me on all sorts of questions for over an hour. Near the end of the interview they asked me two questions: First one was, “What are you going to do if we don’t approve your loan?’, to which I answered, “Well, I have a friend that will loan me the money (I didn’t), but I prefer not to use him because he will get 90% and I will only get 10%”. The second question was: “What if people don’t come to your restaurant and don’t like your idea. It isn’t the normal type of thing for a restaurant?” I honestly didn’t know what to say and there was this infinite pause, as I tried to think of an answer. Then, I looked at them and said “Well you can’t look at if no one is going to come to the restaurant. I know two friends who said they would come.” They laughed, and laughed and I got the loan.

Identity
November 17, 2016

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We’ve lost our identity. Our true identity. Maybe it’s social media. Maybe it’s because we’ve been trained to look outside of ourselves for respect, gratification and acceptance.

We’re feeling forgotten, left out and we’re in pain. You can’t fill that void with a new President-elect, drugs or any external means.

We have to stop, quiet ourselves…and listen to what we feel. We have to do this each and every day. And, each and every day we will learn truth and the outside world as we know it will slowly change.

We must change inside first, before our outside world changes.

 

Unfiltered
November 5, 2016

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As you look at another’s relationship, can you see your own? What you want to suggest as a remedy to them might be applied to your own.

Someone needing an immense amount of attention and loving that has been lost maybe your own vision of what you already have. You just haven’t noticed it in your own life.

It’s never too late to give of yourself,…… to your friend, husband, wife, partner…… those feelings we all cherish and need.

Reach out and share what we all have to give.

Love.

Distraction, from One a musical
September 23, 2016

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Scroll to June 2016 for the full musical

DISTRACTION

(Gets up and moves to center stage for his song Be Honest To Me in the style and feel of Michael Jackson’s Billie Jean) (Music Video 22 begins and the DANCERS leave their bar stools and chairs for a routine that is sexy and provocative. A combination of Country & Western Shadow Dancing with sexy push-ups on each other and seductive moves in time to the video. TEMPTATION moves to rejoin THE TRIUMVIRATE)

 

 

COME ON DANCE WITH ME

(This line sung while gesturing and directing the song to GENUS DEI)

MY APOLOGIES, PLEASE FORGIVE ME

I’M DOING MY JOB

DON’T CONDEMN ME

MY CHARMS ARE MY MISSION

YOU’VE GOT NEEDS

LET’S BRING THEM TO FRUITION

LET’S DO THESE DEEDS

 

 

DANCERS AND SINGERS

(Joining in)

(Chorus)

COME ON, COME ON,

DANCE WITH ME

ALL GUILT FREE

YOUR LUST IS MY THRUST

(Thrusting sexually)

TO SET YOU FREE

COME ON, COME ON

BE HONEST TO ME

DANCE WITH ME, DANCE WITH ME

JUST BE HONEST TO ME

 

 

DISTRACTION

YOUR DOLLARS FOR COLLARS

(HE jumps on top of a table holding and waving a neck collar)

WILL MAKE YOU HOLLER

I’LL BE NUDE AND LESS THAN RUDE

(HE rips his shirt off. Cheers and whistles from the CUSTOMERS)

YOUR SECRETS ARE SAFE WITH ME

YOU’LL SEE

JUST BE HONEST AND TALK TO ME

(Jumping down from the table and getting close to GENUS DEI and AMANTIA)

I’VE GOT A DEGREE

I’M INTELLIGENT AND CAREFREE

LIVE YOUR HIDDEN DESIRES

TO PUT OUT THOSE BURNING FIRES

(Gesturing towards GENUS DEI and AMANTIA’S torsos)

 

 

DANCERS and SINGERS

(Joining in)

(Chorus)

COME ON, COME ON,

DANCE WITH ME

ALL GUILT FREE

YOUR LUST IS MY THRUST

(Thrusting sexually)

TO SET YOU FREE

COME ON, COME ON

BE HONEST TO ME

DANCE WITH ME, DANCE WITH ME

JUST BE HONEST TO ME

 

 

DISTRACTION

A ROLL OF DICE IS YOUR PRICE

HAPPINESS OR GUILT TO THE HILT

MY TOUCH CAN MAKE YOU MELT

(Touching GENUS DEI and AMANTIA)

MY TORSO FOREVER FELT

(Taking GENUS DEI and AMANTIA’S hands and placing them on his hips)

AND LIPS THAT MAKE YOU FORGET

(Kissing both GENUS DEI and AMANTIA on the neck)

ANYONE YOU’VE EVER MET

CHOOSE ME FOR YOUR DEED

AND THE SEED YOU NEED

 

 

DANCERS AND SINGERS

(Joining in)

(Chorus)

COME ON, COME ON,

DANCE WITH ME

ALL GUILT FREE

YOUR LUST IS MY THRUST

(Thrusting sexually)

TO SET YOU FREE

COME ON, COME ON

BE HONEST TO ME

DANCE WITH ME, DANCE WITH ME

JUST BE HONEST TO ME

 

 

DISTRACTION

YOUR HIDDEN THOUGHTS

ARE FREE TO LIVE

ALL YOUR NEEDS

I TRULY GIVE

LET’S STAY LATE, YOUR FANTASY CREATE

YOU HAVE THE CHOICE

GIVE ME YOUR VOICE

I’M YOURS FOR THE NIGHT

LET’S MAKE IT RIGHT

 

 

DANCERS AND SINGERS

(Joining in)

(Chorus)

COME ON, COME ON,

DANCE WITH ME

ALL GUILT FREE

YOUR LUST IS MY THRUST

(Thrusting sexually)

TO SET YOU FREE

COME ON, COME ON

BE HONEST TO ME

DANCE WITH ME, DANCE WITH ME

JUST BE HONEST TO ME

Different
August 26, 2016

different

That part of us that refuses to accept the norm. There are two axioms that ‘different’ conjure: ‘Original’ and the ‘Opposite’ from what is expected.

He’s standing there protecting that which needs no protection. I summon him with a few words of encouragement. He approaches on the auspice of ‘newness’. It works. We chat. It’s fun. We banter. We amuse ourselves in frivolity. Then, there is an addition to the equation and he leaves, but we will see him again.

It’s this initial reaction to ‘newness’ that captivates. If you can continue the captivation, you will succeed in your endeavor.

Captivation depends solely on being ‘original’. Being the ‘opposite’ of what they expect will make them yours forever.

 

Sweet
March 19, 2016

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A moment in time when all relative emotions collide. It’s a conjunction of emotion and feeling.that makes you feel happy. Simple, flowing and encompassed.

No strange feat of endurance and civility.

But it’s all worth it.

Joy is a moment in time we cherish and very rarely enjoy.

Always too many things in the way.

Mostly, ourselves.

Love helps.

In a Sky Full of Stars
March 12, 2016

stary shy

 

Why would you pretend than you are more than what you can see?

Ego!

Like a virus we can’t control ego dominates our every move.

Why?

Gratification!

The result?

Trump!

Not good!

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