Archive for May, 2017

A Tribute
May 28, 2017

Wendy

 

Wendy never really understood this world. Somehow it escaped her. She was always trying to accept what she couldn’t decipher.

From her early age on, she was different. It wasn’t just her choice of clothes or her haircut, it was how she expressed what she came into contact with. Probably the one gift she was given to share with the world, she missed out on, but only because she couldn’t understand why it was given to her. It was such a mesmerizing voice when in song.

At the age of six she became very ill one day. During those days, doctors would make house visits. Many unanswered calls and a no-show from the doctor left her with a final scream and then, pale white and limp on the sofa. Mom and us kids carried her unresponsive body to the car and mom drove her to emergency. Many hours later, mom returned, worn out and distraught. Wendy’s appendix had burst and because of complications and blood transfusions, she would be hospital bound for over a month. She was never really the same after that episode. It was surmised much later in her life that one of those transfusions was tainted and gave her an ailment which she fought for the rest of her life.

She did have happy times and relationships and she was loved. These all faded with time and lately, in her last days there seemed to be a hidden message in the letters she sent me and a look that reminded me of when I visit my mother-in-law at the nursing home. The look and feeling  that says “Someone hold me”, “Someone help me”, “Someone love me”.

The circumstances surrounding her death are still under investigation. There is a video tape of her outside her apartment at 11:00pm taking all of her clothes off  and reports of a naked woman running around the complex. Somewhere between then and early morning when a jogger found her body in the nearby stream, no one knows what happened. She had been on new medications and maybe there was an adverse reaction. Yesterday, the coroner and detectives were with my other sister who lives next door to Wendy in the same building. Until the autopsy and toxicology reports are back we won’t know what truly happened. They said this could take up to two weeks. Her apartment has been sealed until they establish the cause of death.

Deep down, I feel this was Wendy’s freedom call. As sad and as hurt as I feel, I am also happy for her freedom from pain.

On the patio this morning as I listened to the birds, all of a sudden there came a complete silence. This moment is for you Wendy. If I never said it enough while you were here, “I love you”.

Aren’t We Just Our Own Worst Enemy?
May 7, 2017

Buddah1

 

We have our life. We live it. It’s ours. We claim it and we hold it dear. We think it’s ‘right’ or ‘just’ or ‘believable’, maybe even ‘memorable’. But we hold it hostage to ‘change’.

We hear things, see things, and even know things, but still we hold back from transforming into who we truly are. Why can’t we be like a flower that grows, a bee that makes honey, or a sea that ebbs and flows? Having the ‘knowing’ that lifts us to where we should be.

We live our life in an endless treadmill of mediocrity without purpose while our minds eat us up on all levels.

Our purpose here is to have some form of purpose. If you can’t think of any purpose you were here for, you must choose something that takes your mind away from ‘yourself’.

Don’t make it difficult. It can be as simple as saying “My purpose is to love as much as I can”.

Something this simple will change you and the world.

We are all here to carry out some purpose. Stop thinking about ‘yourself’ and ‘your life’, your problems’, etc… ‘Yourself’ will always be there.

Your ‘love’ is what is truly needed.

 

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