Archive for December, 2013

2013 In Review
December 31, 2013

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 3,600 times in 2013. If it were a cable car, it would take about 60 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

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A B F
December 29, 2013

Great White Sharks in South Africa

Absolute, Bloody, Final.

There is also AABF and AAABF.

It’s the point you reach when you’ve had enough. Weather it’s drinking or whatever. We use it for our end of Happy Hour.

His name is William….Tony. He’s partnered and monogamous. We agree to have sexual intercourse verbally, seductively. And so begins, A wonderful conversation about his partner, his work and his life, without the physical.

I can’t say, I’ve had better sex.

It’s imagination, desires and innuendo all rolled into one moment.

Try it.

I head over to the new dance bar COPA.

Metro sexuals abound. He’s wearing everything a straight person should be, and acting accordingly. But, he can’t keep his eyes off me. He feigns dancing with the “hot one” trying to “be” straight. The girls are all over him, but don’t even realize his desire for men.

The hardest thing in life to do is “letting go”. Eventually we will even have to give up the body we reside in. Letting go of our lies to ourselves is a first step.

After that it gets easier.

Obscure
December 27, 2013

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The energy that obstructs and denies.

It could be heaven, it could be hell, but if we don’t experience the sensation, we lose.

Trying to decipher a realm of needs, desires, wants, wishes and enticing moments, we tend to gravitate towards safety.

Of course there is no such thing.

You are better off crossing your threshold of limitations than to reside in your safety net.

The net is always there, but when you throw away the net you discover.

Discovery is key to who we are.

Who we are is honesty.

Feign
December 25, 2013

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The action required to assimilate your needs and portray it as real.

It’s Christmas and it’s an evening of togetherness.

We’ve done the dinner and recipications. We leave and drop by the local bars for the reprieve.

He tells me that he brings out the fine china. It’s for dinner guests of eight. It’s been five years since this happened. Why? Because this china can’t go in the dishwasher and to serve everything on it is time consuming. The clean-up is worse. It’s work. But whatelse will you do with your time if you don’t spend it on giving? …….Nothing. You’re waiting for the perfect moment to use what you have, but it will never happen. Use it now! It’s there for now, not for when you’re dead.

It’s Western Night. The cowboys order their drinks next to me, and I tease them. I want them to teach me shadow dancing. The sexiest moves you’ve ever seen on the dance floor. But, they order martinis with extra olives. Like this will compensate? It’s their excuse for the day. They are trying to justify their ‘whatever’, but it is not necessary.

“Merry Cristmas”, he says to me. Followed by, “I have to work tomorrow”.

The bartender has been working out. His arms are bulging with muscle, joy, and his viens accenuate his sweet personality. He has the V-shaped body I see in myself,….. hiding.

Mike is sweet, but turns us away. It’s two for one drinks tonight. He is soft, skinned, pale white complection and in need for whomever he is texting.

On the screens above me are scenes of horses, sunsets, ocean and old western towns. It could be a movie in the making….full of wonder and western.

The video playing is by Taylor Swift. She’s fullfilling, but it’s not enough. I need fullfilment.

A man verbally shares his life with Eberhard. Eberhard cuts him off and sends him away. At this point, needs and purposes are different.

In the end there is just ‘us’. I lean over to someone and tell him he’s “sexy”. He is so involved in his texting, he doesn’t hear me.

What does this say?

Broke
December 21, 2013

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The distance between mind and reality.

We’re never broke. We just assume we don’t have the material means to meet our needs. The mind takes our condition, adds fear and creates our current condition. But, it’s all illusionary. Acceptance of our reality in this moment is a key part of who we are. Change what we want, change what we need.

I’m walking home and there is a man huddled against a chain link wire fence, crying. I stop and ask him ” Are you alright?” He doesn’t reply. I ask him again. With no reply the second time, I ask him, “Can I help?” He’s sobbing uncontrollably. I walk over and give him a hug.

There’s an outpouring of his troubles. I entertain him with innuendos and realities in my life, so he can put his life into perspective. He laughs at my comments and begins to relax. He calls me “an angel” for saving him….I do not know from what, but the feeling is good. He thanks me and says he can go home now. I continue my walk towards home.

While exchanging life stories we both realized that if you don’t solve your problems at hand, they will re-occur until you resolve them. A treadmill we don’t want to be on.

We stand as wealthy individuals on our own. We just have to see what we’re missing.

Waiting
December 15, 2013

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Most of our lives are spent on waiting.

Waiting for the right moment. Waiting for the right person. waiting for the best opportunity. Waiting for “whatever” to happen.

In stead of waiting, what if we started living in this moment….. now?

There is so much to experience in a timeless reality of now. There’s no anticipation, no want no need, it is just what it is.
This moment.

Live it to its fullest.

Have the most fun of your life.

Come All Ye Faithful
December 14, 2013

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I’m somewhat drunk, but happy. It’s been an evening of revelry, laughter and fun. Who could ask for more?

Friends, new acquaintances, phone numbers and memories.

But I have to tell you, I’m forgetting some of the most memorable moments. It’s a shame and my friends are there to protect me through my elusive realms. The cab driver gets me home safely, the people on the dance floor encase me in protection and all I can think of is THANKYOU!!!!

I was determined today, to be giving in anything I did, and it worked. Even the horn from the car that I gave to the driver who cut me off with half an inch to spare. I gave all day, but only because of something I read this morning on another person’s blog.

Do something for your fellow-man. Just do it for the sake of doing. No reward, no praise, just ….because.

What a wonderful feeling you will have.

Try it!

The Sea
December 7, 2013

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An ocean of life experiences encased in a room of pretension. I’m at the Hard Rock Hotel, main lobby, bar. High intensity music combines with wanton energy from youth and age-ed.

There’s young, being old. Old being young. Young love……making eternity happen in their minds. Gay being straight. Straight being gay. Inhibitions dropped for a better reason.

People searching outwardly for whatever they don’t feel inwardly. Image, image, image.

The morning brings reality and clarity on some level. Not imaginary, but truth.

Still here, still the same.

Water always seeks its lowest level.

Flow.

Seven Napkins
December 1, 2013

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A scenario of the evening. I pulled them from my pocket, hoping to decipher the evening.

Napkin 1. Moments of freedom….they are necessary mechanisms of survival. Not always understood by others around us, because it’s our protection.

Protection from what? Destroyed wishes and hopes. A new beginning. A new hope for lost memories and causes.

Napkin 2. Preferencences….selections in life. Wants, desires, needs to fulfill a personal need. Only undermined, until there is a conclusion. A conclusion never ever reached because we’re human. Humanity in us that’s counter reactive.

Napkin 3. He’s relating a memorable moment in his life. A member of the New York symphony is riding his penis while he plays his violin to the song that was playing on the screen….Barbarara Steisand is singing ” How Lucky Can You Get”.

Napkin 4. He’s looking over to the man ordering a drink, and his heart swells. It’s everything he wants in a person to fulfill his desires. I see I’m wasting my time with banter and chatter. I release him. From what?

My freedom. Sometimes, we encapsulate ourselves in our own moment of desires, wishes and wants. Not always achievable. It’s only because we never see the whole picture.

Napkin 5. Release, again. Letting go….mostly of something you love or want. Painful and disappointing, but acceptable. We’ve been there before. I tell him of the release.

Napkin 6. I was going to ask….are you at least disappointed? And, I already know the answer. I don’t like it. It’s what we feel most of the time in any situation like this in life. We don’t like it.

Napkin 7. He doesn’t drink anymore. Issues from his past. Only every six years, will he imbibe. What’s that? Protection or fear?
His choice of release is Petron Silver. So I tell him, we’d only be good together on Petron Silver. He’d forget, I’d remember.

Call me. We’ll have music.

I move across the street. The dance bar is full. It has the best energy in a long time. I watch a young man dance his heart out.

I tell him how good he is. His dance partner is incongruous of who he is.

I eventually move onto the floor and begin to dance. I feel hands on my butt, but when I look to see who put them there, I see emptiness. But it was nice.

The floor is full of marines on leave. They’re enjoying their freedom.

The box dancer is new. I slip $5.00 into his apparel as I tell him it’s only because he’s unique. “As compared to what”, he asks. Unique compared to the other box dancer I point to, doing a routine on boringness. He laughs, and then becomes boring in his attitude.

I go home, walking and breathing in the wonderous clear, fresh night air. Better than the whole evening.

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