Archive for June, 2013

Flip Flops
June 29, 2013


I’m walking home. It’s 120 degrees outside and the sand from the parking lot sheds its imprint across mounds of dust , likened to the surface of the moon. I’m walking in flip-flops.

The go-go dancer in the bar is more consumed by the tip money in his boot than dancing. His penis looms large and free within his underwear. Amazing to onlookers, but normal to him. He’s had it his whole life. It’s a means to an end.

There is this constant need in our lives for fulfilment. We purchase items, live a dream, pretend, and make an envision of our future on a different and new plane.

This is hope, wanting and wishful thinking.

It only comes to fruition when we believe.

Unlike flip-flops pushing away sand, a dream can come true if there is persistent energy to make it happen.

Your imprint only happens if you make it stick.


June 29, 2013


I don’t know when it began, all’s I know is that it has consumed her life.

She arrived about four years ago on a premise that would include an expanded sense of life. The first few months were wonderful. There was communication, a sense of wonderment and discovery in a new land and place. She seemed to be open to living. I guess the first noticeable remembrance of a change was a photograph she saw of herself after we had taken her to a nice restaurant. When she looked at that photograph of herself, she saw something that offended her. In our mind, it was the best she had looked in years. She had color in her face, her cheeks were full and she had started to put some weight onto her frail thin body.

Over the first year or two of her arrival, it was hard to tell what she did during the week days, since we only came out to visit her from Los Angeles on weekends. During our weekend stays we tried to get her more acquainted with entertainment, shopping and enjoying “paradise”, as she called it. We talked to her about her health and getting to meet new friends. Somehow, there was conjecture on her part to participate, but no movement forward towards any fulfillment in these areas. As a matter of fact, her weight decreased, she made no new friends and she wouldn’t participate in any group activities. There was always a reason and, or an excuse. It was only later on, in a few months during a conversation, she would express her true feelings on a subject we had discussed previously, and it became clear to us that her previous statements had been sweet platitudes to avoid the reality and truth. She always sounds kind, sincere and caring, with ever so many sweet expressions on any current subject. But, nothing is as it seems.

It became clear she had set her own agenda for her life and no one was going to change her and her ideas. This agenda, I call….shrinkage.

She has shrunk from society, her health, eating and anything to do with living. And, she has shrunk from us, which is the saddest. So many times we have sat with her for whole afternoons, sometimes days and discussed what was happening. But she only pretended to listen, to appease us in those moments. As always, the very next day resumed like nothing had happened, and nothing had changed, except the fact, she shrunk more. We talked to doctors about her state and they advised us to ‘let her be”.

So, as hurtful as I find our living arrangement now, I can’t find the love to give to her. That bothers me the most. We talk about ‘nothing’, we eat in silence and there is never any conversations except ‘the weather’. She has taken off the table, ‘anything about her’. I have always been a giving person and to be shut out from giving, hurts deeply.

It’s shrinkage.

June 28, 2013


A moment we choose. It just doesn’t happen, it is created by our thoughts.

It can be depressing, regrettful and most of all, longing. It’s all emotion.

And, emotion rules our lives.


We let it. It feels good and it feels bad. But it is feeling. And we all need to ‘feel’.

Take this moment and experience it to the fullest. In this moment, you are living.

June 28, 2013


An expression of youth. They no not what awaits them, and they proceed through life, like there is always a tomorrow.

It’s beautiful.

It gives us hope and understanding on a completely new level. And, I’m speaking from an aged point of view. They have a freedom we have lost, as we age.

Can we ever recapture that moment?


But boy, it takes a decade or two of effort and energy.

Is it worth it?



There is nothing like living life to the fullest.


June 23, 2013


We’re driving along, and a Mercedes, ignores the stop sign and comes into our lane and the intersection. The horn sounds, but the driver is totally oblivious to the sound or the event. He is young, in his early years, and he is talking to his girlfriend. Somehow, I get the impression he is trying to impress her. He eventually pulls up beside us on the opposite side and as I glance over I see he has no recollection of what has just transpired. If it wasn’t for our awareness, he would be toast, or we would be. Most likely us, because we were the ones to swerve severely so nothing connected on the physical plane.

How often we go though life not realizing what is around us. It could be the love of our lives, the best job in the world, an opportunity of a life time, but we don’t see it. We’re busy ‘doing life’.

Sometimes ‘life’ is not as important as your surrounding opportunities.

Look carefully as you proceed.

It only takes a second to see where you need to be.

June 23, 2013


It’s always a great thing to dump superfluous things from your life. It frees you.

A lot of times we carry an abundance of needs and wishes with us. But we rarely take the time to think about whether or not we really need these items. They can be emotional, physical or even wishful thoughts that linger in our daily perception, on a border between reality and mirage.

When you realize what you were carrying was not necessary in the first place you can open yourself to new experiences.

That’s what life is all about.

Live it to the fullest.

June 23, 2013


A matter of perception. Never before have I seen so many muscles exposed at this watering hole. It could be the full moon. It could be a coincidence.

I’m not the only one noticing the phenomenon tonight.

More than likely, it’s an assertion.

This is who I am, this is me. I’m offering this up to whomever will accept it.

The problem is the whole scenario is so short-lived. It’s a small fraction of time, enveloped to suit the moment.

Moments fade.

There is always another moment.

And, it’s more important to ‘ be ‘.


It’s longer than a moment.

June 23, 2013


That’s what most of our life amounts to. Unfortunate, but it’s a fact.

Look back on your last twenty-four hours and tell me what mattered.

I’m waiting.

What do you have to say?

Just as I thought.

June 22, 2013


They say they are the windows to the soul. Rightly so.

They are also, so revealing.

A friend is introducing me to a younger man. He seems nervous at the introduction. My friend is promoting my looks according to my age, but there is a distant and fearful look in the younger ones’ eyes. Somehow, he can’t relate. I am foreign to him like America was to Columbus. The unknowing, distances him from what he sees in reality. Somewhat fearful, he accepts the introduction, hesitantly.

We can’t always accept what we don’t know, until we know it.

Knowing it takes acknowledgement on some level.

Until we have a life experience that accepts what we see, all new experiences are just that. An experience.

Once we comprehend their meaning to our inner self, only then do we find out what we missed out on.

It’s The Other Side of Nothing
June 16, 2013

the other side of nothign

and still there’s searching.

An endless stream of humanity looking for what they feel is missing in their lives.

They want to be ‘Whole’.

They continue to look outwards for their salvation, but everything is inside.

If you find ‘inside’ you don’t need anything else.

It’s all nothing

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