Archive for April, 2011

Love is…….
April 30, 2011

A churning mind left abandonned for a glance

A light filled eye

lips cornered with a smile

A breath of a touch

gentle, glowing

all encompassing attention

a red blanket, wrapped to protect a wind whipped back

Streaming tears of anguish

lost regrets, new regrets,

remorse

endless needs

loyalty bound by rock and steel

singularity

Questioning forbidden

caring used as a stepping stone

growth

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Friendships
April 29, 2011

We’re in the car driving to meet two friends. One is having his birthday and we are getting together to celebrate the occasion.

The light catches the top of the mountain in front of us, and exposes  the extinct top of a volcano. One, I had never seen before. The sides of the mountain look like an elephant’s weathered hide. Heavily lined, strong, enduring and almost impenetrable.

Friendships are like that mountain.

For me, these past few weeks have brought numerous reunions of old friends. Unexpected and so, so pleasant. New bonds were created and old memories were relived.

People are reaching out and changing their nesting habits. What was not thinkable before is now a possibility and, seems almost a necessity. There seems to be an inner driving force that is making people re-connect with long-lost friends. Lives are changing quickly and dramatically. Some force out there is bringing old friendships together for some reason. It’s also bringing a sense of protection and security.

It’s nice to know a friend is close at hand if you need them. An old friend that cares. An old friend to share feelings with if necessary.

All of us hold different attributes and talents. I question, why are we being brought together? Is there a cosmic plan unfolding that we are a part of? I believe everything that happens in your life is for a reason. There are no mistakes and no accidents. The fact that these occurrences are happening more and more frequently leads me to believe that there is a plan at hand and it is unfolding.

Look around yourself and your daily life. Are old friends popping up into your life? If so, for what reason?

Take advantage of these moments. Re-kindle and re-live.

It’s rewarding.

A Strange Dream
April 29, 2011

In my dream, I was in a long large building. I was being asked, by an entity that I couldn’t see, to review my choices with people and events that occurred in my life. As I walked down the corridors, reviewing past choices, I instinctively chose the same choices again. When I was finished, I felt content and happy with my decisions.

I left the building, but at the gates, I turned around and read the sign over the front door.

In bold letters it read: Insane Asylum.

“I Was Happy Here”
April 25, 2011

….and you are unhappy where you are now? Whos’ fault is that?

We had just passed where we use to live.

Why won’t we take responsibility for our own choices?

Collective Unconsciousness
April 24, 2011

This is a big one. I guess to sum it up in one word would be….fear. Fear is ruling most people’s lives right now. Eberhard says it reminds him of South Africa just before apartheid ended. There was this unknowing. People were in constant fear and it ruled all parts of their lives.

What changes would be brought with the new regime? What would happen? Would there be an uprising and would all the whites be killed? Justified fears in a tense time.

This recession in America has brought about similar fears. In two words …. an unknowing.

When will it end? Will we make it through this? What’s going to happen? How do I protect myself? Will my life ever return to what it was?

You begin to think. I’ll shelter myself. I’ll surround myself with gadgets that block out the world I see around me. My shields will be up…..just like Star trek. Laser’s and proton torpedos ready. I’ll close off to everyone around me. That will make me safe.

I look through the window. His eyes are covered in blackout sunglasses with heavy black frames that shut out peripheral vision. He puts his headphones on. He turns the music up on his iPod. His lips reveal unheard words. On each wrist is a watch. Why two watches I ask myself? Maybe he’s keeping track of time in another time zone. He pulls out his iPhone. He starts texting while mouthing words to a song he is listening to. He smokes a cigarette while drinking his beer. All these things happening at once. Total removal from here and now. In his world, he is safe. A mind bombarded, to drown out the fears he feels.

It’s difficult to rise above what you are feeling. In this case, we are connected. This collective is powerful. To break free of this collective you have to remember two words.

No resistance.

It’s the opposite of what you think. Fears can only be conquered by facing them. This collective is built from resistance. Resistance to a ‘not knowing’. Know who you are and what you feel. Open yourself to light and connect to the source.

Your fears will die of their own volition.

Barriers
April 22, 2011

What are these obstacles we place before us? Limits. Limits of what? To What? For What? Why?

To answer all these questions we have to look at ourselves without limits. How would we be if we dropped all of the conditions we have put upon ourselves?

The reason we have limits is because we have been hurt. Emotionally, physically, psychologically, or, all of the aforementioned. We don’t want to be hurt again. It is too painful. So, the barriers are put into place to prevent the pain from returning. And from initial placement to now, we anchor them in stone.

These anchors prevent us from experiencing freedom of spirit and life. We feel the sacrifice is worth the relinquishment. But is it?

I look around the room. I see limit after limit. Restriction after restriction. Does it really stop the pain? Those anchored feel it does. It’s their belief and no one can change that.

Then there’s the courageous one. He has one too many drinks and his barriers are lifted. But only for a short period of time, until the reasoning replaces non-reasoning.

There are gaps between the barriers we place before us. Like the barbed wire fence above. Use some of these gaps to set yourself free.

Live.

The Past Made New
April 22, 2011

 

It was a great moment.

More than thirty years had passed since we’d seen each other. When we met again, it was like there hadn’t been a moment lost. We began our conversations, where we had left them, thirty odd years ago. Memories I’d forgotten were reviewed and renewed. Laughter filled the air. We examined the missing years and filled in the gaps. We discussed time, and changes, ideas and hopes, desires and life.

During the last four or five months, I’ve been contacted by people from my past. Some going back to when I worked in the silver mines at Echo Bay. That’s forty-five years ago. And during this period of time there was little or no contact. I ponder the ‘why’ and the ‘why now’? Am I going to die soon?

As we age, moments from our past seem to have a resonance attached to them like nothing we can perceive in the present moment. The longer the time, the greater the resonance. Putting the feeling into words is very difficult, because, it is a ‘feeling’. How do you describe a ‘feeling’?

I’m enjoying the re-connectedness. I’m enjoying it immensely. In a way it’s a re-birth. Lost energy renewed, aged and refined. It’s really quite beautiful.

It is a great moment.

Color Your World – Update 7
April 21, 2011

When I’m exercising each day, it doesn’t stop with my physical exercises. I’m also trying to exercise my mind, my time and my emotions. The physical exercising gives me the energy I need to work my other exercises. When I manage to slip in a meditation once or twice, that gives me extra energy also. I really feel it is necessary in todays global mess.

The day-to-day energy around us is tense, full of anger and angst. In order to mange and cope with it, your own energy has to be flexible, strong and absorbent in order to let the negative waves pass through you, as opposed to being blocked by any resistance you might have. It is important not to let your mind take you into situations where your energy may be relinquished or trashed. You want the energy going out from yourself to return to you in a positive state, when it cycles. It should reinforce your positive state of being.

This doesn’t mean you can’t party. Just party with heart. Little rewards are necessary to keep you on track, but don’t let the rewards be your only incentive. Best rewards come from inner feelings, not something you buy. Those things are fleeting, and as soon as you’ve used up the energy that the object gave you, you will be looking for another trinket, toy or excuse to buy.

Look at the diamond in the photo above. Before it became so beautiful, it had to be shaped and molded and cut by an expert. In order to progress with what you’ve chosen, that expert is going to be you. Who knows you better than yourself. The diamond cutter had to search the raw diamond for its inner beauty. Search your rawness and look for the inner beauty. Endure what you must. In the end, you want to shine.

Color Your World – Update 6
April 16, 2011

Since I made it through the first month, I’m going to relate progress by other means, instead of daily.

Progression is based on comparisons. I saw Garrett over the weekend and in comparison, I felt I hadn’t even started exercising. Seeing him gave me great incentive. I still have a long way to go.

This week, I took two rest days from my exercises. When I look to see changes, I realize the changes are coming slowly. Mentally and physically. Some times I feel disappointed. I realize that if I want to get into the smaller size t-shirt I bought two weeks ago, I have to keep up my discipline. Buying a t-shirt smaller than you can wear presently, is the proverbial carrot before the horse. As is writing about it. You must put a challenge ahead of yourself in order to accomplish your goal.

Today, I’m switching out some of my exercises. Take on a new challenge. Something you have to learn, because it is new. Something that will develop a different part of you.

This week at work has been intense, as have the last few months. It culminated last evening in total exhaustion. But this morning I feel a peacefulness I haven’t felt in a while. Today, I’m just going to go with the flow and enjoy the day to its max.

There’s Nothing To Blame It On Except Midnight
April 15, 2011

 

I’m drained. I have no energy. I feel exhausted. My feet feel heavy as I lift them, but not as heavy as the young man who entered the restaurant earlier. But still, heavy just the same.

His shoulders were curled against his chest, protecting his heart. His head hung low, like an oppressed man. His steps heavy. Trapped in a hell  he can’t find a way out of, for the life of him. He exits for a cigarette, his only reprieve. But re-enters reluctantly. Heavily burdened by his un-awareness of his own making.

“A little hard to follow”, is the t-shirt they think I should have and wear. I guess it describes me well. Maybe I will have one made up. I glance around the table. The last year or two has been hard on all of us. We’ve aged. Faster than normal. I see it in a lot of people. Seems we’re taking the current year and rolling two or three years into it. We don’t even realize it’s happening.

They line up for their drinks, one by one. Forgetting their image, their stomachs stick out somewhat and they give the bartender a short synopsis of their lives…..just in case. They both laugh. The bartender pockets the tip. He’s happy.

The music lacks the energy I need to revive. I see old show tunes I’ve seen before, but the energy from them to me is used. I need something new. Nothing new arises.

Kevin tells Eberhard his seven syllable name is too difficult. He likes my name. It’s simple.

I feel the place and the night closing in on me. I say good-bye to Eberhard and head home.. The walk feels good. I get to the front gate. The moonlight is strong and it lights the right colored key to the front gate.

It’s not quite midnight, but it’s nice to be home.

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