Archive for March, 2011

March 27, 2011


$312 Million Lottery
March 26, 2011

“Did we win”?

What are we winning? Escape from life, a new life, or freedom to what we feel? The only thing money can give us is an experience we haven’t experienced. It can’ t give us who we are.

We already have the freedom  to be whatever we want. Why does it take money to set us free? We plan what we will do if we win, and how we will set our friends and family free. But will it?

We already have the greatest lottery inside of us.

She asks me if I’m Swedish. Will that make her feel complete, or just associated with something she wants to relate with? She dances with me for a while, but gravitates to  someone who accentuates who she is, more than I. She and he want attention. They get it and……. 

His name is Emilio. He won’t dance because his fears are greater than his desires to be with some one. So he stands on the sidelines of life waiting…….

What do we want?


It fills all the voids.

Color Your World – Update 3
March 25, 2011

Day 12. My day of rest.

Day 13. Drove back to L.A. today. Had time to review the last weeks efforts and reflect on next weeks goals. Did not exercise today, but concentrated on meditation instead.

Day 14. Bike and a great session with upper and lower body exercises. Endless problems at work. I’m glad I kept the exercises up. It’s giving me more energy to handle the flow, coming down the pipeline.

Day 15. I increased the tension on the bike today. A little harder ride, but I made it. My other exercises are getting finished in less time. I guess my speed has increased on doing the same exercises, in less time. I added some squats to my routine today.

Day 16. For some reason, the bike today was very hard to do. By the time I had finished I needed a towel to dry myself off. I felt like I stepped out of the shower. The next twenty minutes I did a meditation instead of my usual upper body work out. I feel I got more out of the meditation than the exercise today.

Day 17. No physical exercises today. A day of rest. Read some of my ooga booga books instead. Exercise the mind.

March 24, 2011

I can only guess that the world is going through a major cleansing. Springtime always brings an out pouring of energy, and somehow this year, the energy is causing major upheavals.

The only thing we can always count on is energy. How we use it, govern it in our lives or take it in, determines how we feel. It is the common denominator in our connection with the source. There is a lot of submerged mud that has been stirred and it is now rising to the top of the lake. In order for the waters to be cleansed again, this mud will have to be removed.

We’re going through our own little cleansing at work. It is in progress as I type. As I walked into the premises this morning, it felt good. The energy is higher than it’s been in months. There is also a lot of bleach in the air.

Personally, I’m doing a cleansing. Exercising has given me more energy. I feel better in the mornings, and today during my meditation, for the first time in years, I felt a touch of my old self. The one I use to love. It was a great feeling. Discipline and centering are helping. When you clean inwardly, it kills off part of your ego, and the ego rebels and trys to stop you. It’s like you have to scold it and put it in its place if you want the cleansing to work.

We’re all running as fast as we can, but you can’t run any faster than what you’re doing right now. Build your energy and let it do some of the work for you. It’ll never let you down.

Over and Over
March 19, 2011


“It’s not as meaning full if you repeat it”. He’s from Montreal, but he lives here.

His energy is enormous. It’s simple, yet refined and has humor attached to its core. He’s reserved, yet he appreciates rancor and wildness. He puts up with me, with a smile and candor. He’s handsome.

At one point in our conversation when I’m complimenting him on what I am  feeling, he says “If you say it too often, it has no meaning”. He’s aware.

But how else are you going to get your message across. Possibly, he already knows what I am trying to convey. I recognize what I’m feeling, and I think he should know.

It’s always good to know you’re on a track that may be right for you.

Inside Out
March 19, 2011

“Everyone just cares about how they feel”. “No one knows how I feel”.

It’s difficult to know what someone else is feeling, even when you are close.

Because we each live in our own worlds there is always a feeling of separateness around us.

He climbs into bed next to me and his body feels cold from the night. His arms encase me like a vice and he pulls me close. He slips into sleep and his world of thought releases its grip on him. His body goes limp and he’s a child again. Safe, protected, loved and innocent.

What if the whole world fell asleep all at once, and while we were sleeping, all of our ‘grown-up’ thinking was stripped away. When we awoke there was only childhood innocence and a longing to feel connected, instead of disconnected.

How happy we all would be.

Youth, Energy, Horse and Water.
March 18, 2011

It’s a strange sky. Steel grey with blue, stenciled against the mountain by a fine point pen. Tree line topped mountain so finely imaged it looks photographic. A moon so large, I think it’s my butt.

It’s been a long week, and dinner sounds like the nurturing a body needs. We eat. I feel better.

A week ago Thursday, amidst turmoil in the mideast, earthquakes and tsunamis (like I should worry about insignificant things in my life), the sewer backed up through our shower and ran out into the bathroom with sewage an inch deep. By Sunday it had been rectified outside of a last clean-up. Two hours later it was sterilized and done. The rug shampooed took another two days by the time it was finished.

Last Tuesday we were invited to Long Beach. The bartender was a magician. With his antics and his love of work, he kept us mesmerized while he cheated us on drinks. But he was young, beautiful and full of energy. So much energy. Envious energy. Slightly corrupt, but enticing enough to keep us there. He played us like a musical instrument, and we were singing to his song of ‘gotcha’. But we loved it.

Our week days at work were like a toilet seat. Up and down. And then, ‘the talk’. Communication is the best and the hardest part of relationships. Thought separates us from love. And love creates ruptures in your bond. Each of us leads the other to water, so we can drink of the wisdom we know. Neither of us drink.

What do you do? Do you let each of us die of thirst, or,………. do you force us to drink?

We went to work.

We’ll love tomorrow morning. We’ll have love words for breakfast.

Color Your World – Update 2
March 18, 2011

Day 6. This will be a day of rest. I ache so much in my chest that it reminds me of how I felt after my triple bi-pass heart operation.  The rest of my body is not much better. It needs a little down time to rest and recover.

Day 7. Started back on the bike today and my regular routine. Managed everything well. Did not increase any levels or amounts. Yesterdays rest did me well. I feel revived today.

Day 8. Today I added a few new exercises. Don’t know the name for it, but I call it a backwards push up. It’s for your triceps, back and chest. I didn’t feel as tired after my exercises today as I have in the past.

Day 9. Woke up late, because we met a friend last night and the dinner hour stretched. Tried to make-up the exercises after work, but it was a late day there also and felt too tired to progress.

Day 10. Managed all of the exercises again. Increased leg stretches and pull-ups. Increased overhead arm raises and chest exercises. I’m still looking lumpy. I guess all of this came on my body one bite at a time and it’ll leave the same way. I’m wanting better results quicker, but it all takes time and patience. I’m also trying to remember to keep mental images of how I want to look like as I work out. Through out the day I try to remember to say “I am light” during mundane tasks, or waiting in line somewhere.

Day 11. Back in Palm Springs. No bike, so it’s just my body and me. The exercises seem more taxing on me, but I’m liking it because I feel it will be better for my results. It’s Friday today and I’m going to do a review of my progress or non-progress and set up a goal for next week to follow. I will review my emotional and mental state of mind, physical feelings and looks, and how I feel about my spiritual progress over the past eleven days. Is the change working or am I forgetting and missing anything? Are there areas where I can improve? Am I letting the ego cheat me out of anything, including the truth?

March 13, 2011

What is it about meeting new people that lifts you to extreme heights in your life? I met so many people last night that I can’t remember all their names. What I do remember is their intensity for life. How fortunate I feel that so many people took the time to listen, talk, communicate, laugh and share.

As I walked home, I couldn’t help but feel renewed, awakened and privileged. Everything in the universe is connected, I know, but to have a good part of that drop on your doorstep all in one night was rare and overwhelming.

It was just what the doctor ordered.

There’s an endless supply of hope, charity and greatness in humanity and eventually it surfaces no matter how distressed the world seems.

Once again, it feels great to be alive!

From a full heart of love…………..

Thank you!

Color Your World – Update 1
March 12, 2011

This is day two. I woke up with the feeling that I exercised. Subtle aches throughout my body. I repeat yesterdays scenario, but find I have to cut the exercise bike time by three minutes. I developed a charlie horse cramp in my left foot and lower calf. I’m jumping around the room to get rid of it. You must remember, I’m sixty-two, not twenty or thirty-two. I manage to get rid of it and follow-up with my other exercises. I do one-hundred counter push-ups and forty crunches. I also increased my leg and arm exercises by twenty each. I manage ten minutes of exercise before I go to bed.

Day 3. I don’t feel like getting out of bed to do the exercises. I feel a few more aches today, but they are muscle aches. My body is resisting. I can’t let my wishful thinking stop me. I get out of bed and climb on the bike. I watched an exercise infomercial program on TV last night called ‘Insanity’. I picked up a few pointers, and when I was biking today I held my core stomach muscles tight during the complete exercise. I also tried some of the moves I saw on the program, but I didn’t use the intensity that was shown. I plan to work up to it, in a short while. I managed my fifty minutes and as I finished I looked in the mirror. My butt still has two droopy wrinkles and my chest has not hardened yet. But, it does seem better and I definitely have more energy in the mornings and during the day. It makes me feel happy.

Day 4. I’m laying in bed and my arms feel like they are going to fall off. My lower abdomen is also hurting. Yesterday I did leg lifts where I pulled my knees right up to my chest. Fifty on each leg. I guess they worked.

I’m in Palm Springs today and the setting is different. I don’t have an exercise bike, so I will have to adapt and do my fifty minutes of exercise without any external machinery. They do it on ‘Insanity”, so why not here. I’m going to try to do regular push-ups today and a few other things I want to try out. I’ll let you know how it goes when I’m finished.

Well I managed to put in my fifty minutes, but it was more difficult. I did manage twenty-five regular push-ups and more upper body and leg work. However, when I looked in the mirror later, my body looks somewhat lumpy. Worse than it did before. I’m trying to even out top and lower body work outs and times, but maybe it’s the fat layers that are different in different places. Anyways, I’m still sore, but still happy.

Day 5. I ache all over, but I get up anyways. I do some warm-up stretches. That seems to help. I feel strangely quiet on the inside today, as I do my exercises. A lot of the excitement of starting this routine is ebbing. I know I have to keep going, but I’m quiet about it to myself. I look outside and there is a lot of sunshine and a brilliant blue sky. It helps me. I continue. I’ve been good with my food intake. I switched to a lot of fruit and vegetables and very small portions of meat or fish. About four to five  ounce portions. Little or no carbs right now. I drink more liquids. Yesterday for lunch, I made myself a salad sandwich. It was really quite good. Cheese, avocado, lettuce, tomato, whole wheat bread and some non-fat dressing. It filled me up and made me feel healthy after I’d eaten it. Breakfasts have been whole grain cereal or oatmeal (a small portion really fills you up), or lo-fat yogurt, or a hard-boiled egg, or fruit. Lunches overall have been generally a salad with a small portion of meat of some kind, or depending, no meat at all. Dinners have been small portions of protein with a vegetable and small portion of carbs. If I snack, it’s been a handful of nuts or some kind of fruit. Last night Eberhard and I went to our favorite Chinese restaurant and had Mongolian beef and Wor Won Ton soup. I kept my portions small on the steamed rice and beef. I felt full even though I didn’t eat a lot. The soup helped.

I didn’t increase any of the amount of exercises today. I kept the status quo. I did manage twenty-five more regular push-ups and fifty sit-ups, plus my other routines. The exercises felt very hard to do today, but I did them.

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