Archive for February, 2010

The Sun
February 27, 2010

Doreen said to me, “Picture your heart like a giant golden sun. Breathe in and out of your heart while picturing this golden sun”.

Do it in your daily routine, anytime you can think of it. After a period of time you’ll feel a radiance from your chest area. Tell me how you feel.


A Gift
February 27, 2010

Last night, Eberhard, his mother Doris and I went to the Palm Springs Follies. A get together for their birthdays. The performance was well done and it’s biggest surprise to me was the age of the performers. These performers are incredibly well-preserved and vibrant. An eighty-six year old woman dancer performing like she was twenty-nine. Another man seventy-six doing the splits and forward flip. I can feel stairs bothering me, so why can they lift their legs above their heads?  They’ve found their niche in life, love what they do and they’re sharing it with the world.

We’re all given a gift. And then, that part of us that knows better (but doesn’t), takes over to snuff out our primary function here. We let excuses cover up our fears. Fears are just a form of loss. We have to look at what it is we can lose. Why did we settle? Why did we give up?

Let me use Jorge as an example. He won’t get mad at me. Jorge’s gift was sex. He accepted that fact, and he shared it with everyone he could. Society may morally condemn him, but he was his own person, he recognized what he was here to do and he did it. If you woke up one morning and God was standing in front of you and said your mission this time is to be an escort, would you do it? We waste so much time in our lives not doing what we love.

Re-read these posts: Making Bread – it’s about conquering your fears and the work it will take to over come those fears. “Fear” – it’s about facing your fears. “How to Choose an Escort” – it’s about honesty. Search yourself and recognize what you already know.

We can all live vibrantly and love what we do. We just have to have the courage to do it. What have you settled for? Change! What’s your gift and why haven’t you done something with it?


White Haze
February 26, 2010

One evening in my restaurant, close to closing, I was waiting for the last few diners to finish up and head home. The grills had been off for an hour or more and the kitchen was all cleaned and shut down. I stepped into the dining room and there was an unmistakable white haze floating throughout the room. I could see that the guests noticed it, but they were unbelievably calm and peaceful in their awareness. The haze continued to float here and there. Esther, one of the waitresses came over to me. She asked if the exhaust had been shut off in the kitchen or that there might be grill smoke backing up and coming into the dining room. “No” I replied, “as a matter of fact the exhaust fan is still on and so is the air conditioning”. Whatever combination of events caused this, it was definitely spiritual in nature. You have only to ask the guests and staff who experienced the phenomena. One thing was certain. To me it felt like “the peace that passes all understanding”.

Baked Beans
February 26, 2010

My first restaurant was called Beans and Barley. Instead of pasta, or rice, or potatoes as the main staple, I chose beans. In the beginning, because of lack of insight and knowledge I used canned beans that were doctored. After one embarrassing evening when an upset patron went to our garbage bin and retrieved one of the empty bean cans, then promptly paraded it around the restaurant, ranting and raving, I thought I should learn how to make real baked beans. I began to experiment, using recipe books which I thought would have my answer. Most recipes serve four to six , but I needed larger quantities. So, on my first attempt, I multiplied everything by sixteen, including the molasses. Molasses is like uranium. A little goes a long way. When I pulled the first pan out of the oven and took off the foil, I saw what looked like freshly paved asphalt. And it was. Rich, black, and beautiful to look at, not to eat. Undaunted, I kept trying for weeks modifying and trying recipe after recipe.

I’ve always believed thoughts are things and we’re all connected somehow. Isn’t everything some form of energy? Including us. I was all ooga booga during this time and I was asking the universe for some help. One slow night, I was out of the kitchen and in the dining room. I went over to a heavy-set lady eating by herself . She had just finished my latest attempt at bean making. “How was your meal”, I asked? With a strange look and a definite aftertaste in her mouth, she responded. “You know, I won best prize in a contest for my baked beans, and all I used was beans, molasses, brown sugar, and salt”. After a little discussion I told her I”d try it.

Why didn’t I ask sooner? I never looked back.

How to Choose an Escort
February 26, 2010

I was washing the dishes last night and it occurred to me I could probably help out with some information on this subject. Jorge gave me this list after repeatedly asking “what about me and my life?”

First, you should know exactly (and I mean exactly) what your needs are. There are always repercussions to any event in your life, so weigh your decisions carefully. Make sure (as a take on what Jack Nickelson said in that movie) “you can handle the truth”. Ask yourself, what’s the purpose I expect to fill? A whim? Some sort of freedom because maybe you feel you’re religiously, morally or socially limited in some way? Different sex that you can’t have now, a fantasy, or just a new experience in your life.

A lot of people are sexually frustrated and that’s why there are always a numerous amount of sexual scandals with celebrities, clergy and political figures. If the truth be known, most people in their own lives have sexual scandals. They’re either “don’t ask, don’t tell” situations, or they just haven’t been caught.

Comfortability is key. Talk (in the broadest sense of the word)to your escort, on the phone, on-line, or whatever. Remember escorts have usually seen a broad selection of humanity and not too many things shock them. Your chances of a heightened experience are very good and as a surprise it may open you to a more broad perspective on life. You will get honesty from an escort, so you should be able to be honest to them in your needs. Remember too that they are human with their own needs and emotions. Don’t forget to compliment them. Your best experience will come from treating them right. Because you are paying them, it’s like any other transaction for goods rendered. Usually their primary function is to please their client. Why? They want repeat business. Time is money. Let’s not waste it. Ask about body type, age, their experience. The younger they are, the less life experiences they can relate to, but if you are young yourself this may be a perfect match. Just two other things. How’s their personality? Does it suit your temperament? And, the last thing is price. Personally, that’s up to you.

You want your experience to be seamless for the duration of the time you’re together. This goes back to comfortability. Think of how you want this situation to transpire. I relate to food, and some of my best sex was in the kitchen. If you’re a gardener, maybe you’d like to try it outside. I did it in the rain once and it was great. There are probably a lot of examples out there.

Where do you find your escort? There are lots of blog and regular sites out there. Check some out. You can learn a lot from what they say and how they say it. Some sites I find brutally honest. Isn’t that what you’re really needing most? Especially to yourself.

The Old Man
February 25, 2010


I was seventeen and I was on board the Empress of Canada. I was on my way back home after spending ten months hitch hiking through Europe, part of Asia and Africa. A purser showed me to my bunk below the water line. There was an old man in the room when I got there and we exchanged pleasantries. He seemed like he wanted to talk, but I excused myself because I had met someone on the ferry ride to the ship who had invited me to meet the entertainment crew. I remember it had been a long ride to the port of Liverpool from where I’d left in Scotland and I felt tired. I really just wanted to rest. I felt a little overwhelmed from all the travelling and sightseeing and I was also looking forward to just going home. It was the beginning of the seven-day Israeli war and you could cut the air in Europe with a knife. It was this event that had determined my reason to return.

Over the course of the seven day ocean trip back to Montreal, the old man continued to ask me questions and would begin to strike up a conversation. Each time I made an excuse and would leave or say “I was too tired”. One particular time I came into the room and he had a photo album out and he was thumbing through pictures. He asked me to look at some of the photos and started to explain how he was an important figure in the peace agreements of the arab communities many years before. There were heads of states and arab leaders all dressed ceremoniously, copies of the agreements all on these orange brown faded photographs. He had so many things and stories he wanted to tell me. But again I faded fast in interest. I just wanted to be home.

Too often, opportunities present themselves and we’re so pre-occupied in our future, we miss the moment. This incident has always bothered me because of my selfishness. I’ve always carried the feeling that there was something to learn from this old man. What could I have learned that I missed? Would my life have changed? That’s my regret. I’m older now and I think, will people listen to what I can tell?

February 25, 2010

After breaking up with Jorge, I went into seclusion for approximately six years. Part of that time, I lived with my sister Susan in a small guest house which was behind the home where Matt Damon and Ben Afleck lived and wrote Good Will Hunting. One evening, feeling a little house bound, I got in the car and went to West Hollywood to dance. Not having been out in a while, the whole scene seemed almost new to me. It wasn’t long before I became the guest of two gentlemen. One thing led to another and we would meet up occasionally for outings on the strip.

One night we were out and they mentioned they had to get together with friends for a birthday party. We arrived at Trunks and there was a bunch of people milling around a rough-looking, long-haired biker dude in leather that looked like he stepped out of a movie scene. “That’s Dan, it’s his birthday”. I was introduced and then to a few others in the room.

One person standing by himself and who I hadn’t met approached me. “Hi, my name is Eberhard”. I had to ask him to repeat his name three times because I found it so unusual. A smile of diamonds and the charming loquaciousness of royalty. We chatted for a bit and then I could see my gentlemen friends getting ready to leave. I wandered back to them and said goodbye to Eberhard. “He’s really nice”, I said. They replied ” you stay away from him, that’s Eberhard”.

We’ve been together for ten years.

The 1st TWAR
February 25, 2010

Several years ago, Eberhard and I were walking up the hill on our way home from an evening in West Hollywood. I was expounding on one of my seasoned repertoires on life and he said “is that one of your TWARS?” “What’s that mean?”, I said. “One of your – the world according to Robert – reasonings”, he replied. I thought for a moment, and replied “yes”. We continued along and discussed at length, using logic, how what I had reasoned previously, made no sense at all.

Ooga Booga
February 24, 2010

David, David and I were in Tower records. David 1 and David 2 were dating. David1 and I had met each other originally at a croissant shop I worked at on Wilshire Boulevard when I first moved to Los Angeles in ’84. David1 was an aspiring law student and going to South Western School of Law across the street. Little did I know at that time he and my present lover at the time, Paul, were former boyfriends in Florida where they mastered in piano. David 2 was an actor and in the closet.

David 2 and I were standing across from each other in an aisle while David 1 browsed through classical CD’s. All of a sudden I felt a radiance of energy leave my chest area. I had felt this many times before and I felt quite comfortable with it. I looked at David 2 and he felt it also, although I could see that he was not comfortable with the feeling. It usually happens between people when you’re both sourcing and in connection with “Being”. David 2 suddenly left and could be found no-where. I went over to David1 and asked “where’s David2?” I explained to David1 what I was feeling and he told me that “all that ooga booga stuff freaks out David2. He left”.

David2 is now living in New York and is high up in the film industry. I’ve always wondered if he ever got around to understanding those feelings. Something tells me “yes”.

A Kiss
February 24, 2010

Last weekend, we had just finished a few games of pool and were going next door for a drink. We approached the bar to order, and from no where, a man who was much younger, grabbed me and began to kiss me passionately. He was strong and he held me firmly as I tried to pull away. There was definitely some shock value here, with my friends, my lover and people around the bar. I knew the man previously; we had talked casually a few times on the patio. I did smell alcohol on him and later, after we got our drinks, I talked with him. He described in great detail how he wanted to make love to me.

Was this a compliment, or an assault, or was I a victim? Or was it the possibility of myself as the instigator in some way? I’m sure the amount of alcohol he had consumed rallied his courage and relaxed his inhibitions.

Personally, in my reality, I liked it. I liked it a lot. It made me feel good. It made me feel sexually attractive and desireable. When you’re sixty-one, that’s a hard thing to do.

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