A series of memories tied together to make us whole.
Yet, we’re empty.
At the end of life we look back and review our choices.
We lived, we assumed, we pretended, we lied, we loved, if we were lucky, and we consumed.
Now, there is reality.
Nothing in equals nothing out.
No risks, no rewards.
Mediocrity equals squish.
Dependency equals entrapment.
Violence equals regret, possibly death.
But, in the end there is always the life saver.
It leads us to what we believe is real for us.
So we show outwardly to the world our belief system and what we want. Everyone is different and the ‘showing’ is different.
I’m watching him. He has the gifts of God. Good looks, body, personality kindness, and an ability on all the levels you can think of. They fawn all over him like candy given to a child. But politely he moves on and looses each and every one in a crowd of rejects. I seize an opportunity and approach him in an ungarded moment.
“What are you looking for?” I ask. You have the most beautiful men in the world all over you and you cast them away like waste.
“I’ve been watching you”, I say.
He replies; “They are all children”. He asks my name and I tell him. I ask his name and he tells me.
Then he says “I like that you’ve been watching me”. “Well”, I say, “I hope you find what you are looking for”. I look a t the group around him and they are staring at us. ” It wouldn’t look good for you if they saw you leaving with me”.
He smiled. I left.
So, in conclusion, we just want some sort of recognition.
Then we can believe what we think,……..is real.
We think, we want, we desire.
We’re looking for fulfilment on some level
What is fulfilment?
Everything you believe.
Belief in something is temporary. But, …….. only because there is constant change.
We believe, but there's more to our belief than what we think we know.
The part we don't know, is that we're only filling the game of life.
What game you ask?
Believing anything we do is actually real.
An escape from reality as you’re feeling it.
I’d rather live with myself.
At least I would know the lies.
The act we ignore unless we want it.
So I tempted him. I felt like the devil, asking for his soul in exchange for all the material things in life.
I lied. I told him the impossible. He liked it and being young, it was entertained as a thought.
I was only looking for his reaction. He held his own, but since he will be here all weekend, I will keep testing him to see what it takes for him to relinquish who he is.
It’s not fair. He’s young, but very knowledgeable about life and how it works. I do it with humor, with laughter and non-expectation. He is welcome to leave the game anytime it gets too much. But he likes it.
We need more of life.
I’m only entertainment.
That part of us that exposes our inner desires.
Like we pretend it isn’t there.
It’s only exposed when we want something.
And then, we try to cover up the fireworks with non pointedness. Hiding our most inner desires and wants.
We impose these restrictions upon ourselves for, what we call, protection.
There is no protection in this world. We’re only kidding ourselves. Belief in anything else is futile.
You may as well tell the truth to whom ever you need. Yes or no, it doesn’t matter.
Ultimately, there’s only now.
That which keeps us holy.
And for what?
Disappointment, lies, assumptions, desires, hopes and wishes for fulfilment.
We should live for freedom of whatever…wants, mind, desires and most of all, what we call reality.
Reality doesn’t exist. It’s an illusion we convey to ourselves to keep us focused and whole.
We’re not whole. We just think we are. We’re actually lost.
Just ask yourself.
Personal, perfect, privileged, protected, preferred, perform.
Like mountains you climb to acknowledge and verbosely tell the world, “you’ve conquered”.
And then, what?
Reality, regret, remorse, re-think.
The image on the outside may be different, but the reality is staked in stone.
Play the game, but live U.
Criteria for acceptance.
Like we need it.
We surround ourselves with life and it’s incumbrances and then someone comes along and places conditions upon us.
I begin to dance and I feel a presence around me. I look to see where it is coming from and there is only one person.
She appears nonchalant, but she is aware. I embrace the connection and my heart chakra comes ‘on”. It intensifies. She pretends not to notice, but she is aware. We’re both enjoying the connection. Her partner is totally un-aware.
She’s infused. He’s not.
I move from the stream and become one with the music. I see silly get-ups that pretend to be special. Lacking in any energy, they fall short of their expectations.
Lisa drives me home. I don’t feel like walking. She’s searching for fulfilment, like all of us. I give her encouragement, wishing her the best.
Unless we search inwardly, instead of outwardly with falsehoods, it’s never going to happen.